But, while he was thus indignant with Mary, he
was also vexed with Letty that she should not herself have
written to him if she was in any need, forgetting that he had
never hinted at any door of communication open between him and
her. His heart quivered at the thought that she might be in
distress; he had known for certain, he said, the fool would bring
her to misery! For himself, the thought of Letty was an ever-open
wound--with an ever-present pain, now dull and aching, now keen
and stinging. The agony of her desertion, he said, would never
cease gnawing at his heart until it was laid in the grave; like
most heathen Christians, he thought of death as the end of all
the joys, sorrows, and interests generally of this life. But,
while thus he brooded, a fierce and evil joy awoke in him at the
thought that now at last the expected hour had come when he would
heap coals of fire on her head. He was still fool enough to think
of her as having forsaken him, although he had never given her
ground for believing, and she had never had conceit enough to
imagine, that he cared the least for her person. If he could but
let her have a glimmer of what she had lost in losing him! She
knew what she had gained in Tom Helmer.
He passed a troubled night, dreamed painfully, and started awake
to renewed pain. Before morning he had made up his mind to take
the first train to London.
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