And even much less someone else, a stranger; I would
not have been understood, anyhow; but they would rather have
thought that I had just gone crazy. Whether anybody else in my
place would have been able to bear this, I do not know, but I
hardly think so. I was physically as well as mentally a sturdy,
even a very sturdy person, but nevertheless I grew more and more
tired. First, there were days, then even entire weeks, when
everything within me turned completely dark; then, I sometimes
hardly knew and often did not know at all what I did. At these
times, the luminous character within me had disappeared
completely. The dark entity led me my the hand. It always walked
along the edge of the abyss. At times, I was supposed to do this,
at another time that, in any case something illegal. In the end,
I only resisted like in a dream. If I had only told my parents or
at least my grandmother what state I was in, the deep fall I was
heading for would surely have been avoided. And it came, not at
home, but in Leipzig, to where some business connected with the
theatre had brought me.
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