I acquired a
remarkable degree of control, so that, though one touch or
steadily directed thought would have caused the orgasm, I could
keep it off, and go to sleep without 'wrong doing.' Of course,
when I fell asleep, my control ended. All this gave me a good
deal of physical worry, and kept my attention unwillingly fixed
upon the matter. I do not think my body was readily irritable,
but I had unquestionably very strong sexual impulses.
"After a year or two, when I was working hard, I could not afford
the attention the control cost me, or the prolonged mitigated
sexual excitement it caused. I took drugs for a time, but they
lost effect, produced lassitude, and agreed with me badly. I
therefore put away my scruples and determined to try the effect
of giving myself an instant and business-like relief. Instead of
allowing my feelings to gather strength, I satisfied them out of
hand. Instead of five hours of heat and discomfort, I did not
allow myself five minutes, if I could help it.
"The effect was marvelous. I practically had no more trouble. The
thing rarely came to me at all by day, and though it continued at
times by night, it became less frequent and less strong; often it
did not wake me. The erotic images and speculations that had
begun to come to me died down. I left off being afraid of my
feelings, or, indeed, thinking about them.
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