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Stewart, Donald Ogden, 1894-1980

"A Parody Outline of History"


Jean--Please write it down--you know I cannot hear a word you
say. I suppose it's about the rent.
The landlady takes paper and pencil and writes.
The Landlady--(Reading over the result of her labor)--
"To-day--is--the--last day. If you can't pay, you must get out "
She hands it to Jean and he reads.
Jean--But I cannot pay. Next week perhaps I shall get work--
The Landlady--(Scornfully)--Yes--Next week maybe I have to sell
another liberty bond for seventy dollars what I paid a hundred
dollars for, too. No sir I need the money NOW. Here--
She writes and hands it to him.
Jean (Reading)--Sell my piano? But please I cannot do that--yet.
The Landlady--A lot of good a piano does a deef person like you.
That's a good one--( She laughs harshly). The deef musician--ho
ho-- with a piano.
Jean--Madam, I shall pay you surely next week. There has been
some delay in my war risk insurance payment. I should think that
you would trust a soldier who lost his hearing in the trenches--
The Landlady--That's old stuff. You soldiers think just because
you were unlucky enough to get drafted you can spend the rest of
your life patting yourselves on the back. Besides--what good did
the war do anyway-- except make a lot of rich people richer?
She scribbles emphatically "Either you pay up tonight or out you
go.


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