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Stewart, Donald Ogden, 1894-1980

"A Parody Outline of History"

"It is
just a little champagne wine."
"Madam," said the general, "It may be 'just champagne wine' to
you, but 'just champagne wine' has ruined many a poor fellow and
to me all alcoholic beverages are an abomination. I cannot
consent, madam, to remain under your roof if they are to be
served. I have never taken a drop--I have tried to stamp it out
of the army, and I owe it to my soldiers to decline to be a guest
at a house where wine and liquor are served."
An excited buzz of comment arose as the general delivered this
ultimatum. A few there were who secretly approved his sentiments,
but they were far too few in numbers and constant indulgence in
alcohol had weakened their wills so that they dared not stand
forth. An angry flush appeared on the face of the hostess, for in
society, "good form" is more important than courage and ideals,
and by his frank statement General Grant had violently violated
the canons of correct social etiquette.
"Very well, Mr. Grant," she said, stressing the "Mr."--"if that's
the way you feel about it----"
"Stop," cried an unexpected voice, and to the amazement of all
Ella Flowers stepped forward, her teeth clenched, her eyes
blazing.
"Stop," she repeated, "He is right--the liquor evil is one of the
worst curses of modern civilization, and if General Grant leaves,
so do I.


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