Paul's appeared before them,
their exclamations were loud and incessant. "My home! my parents! my
wife! my friends!" were the burden of every tongue.
Thaddeus found his calmed spirits again disturbed; and, rising from
his seat, he retired unobserved by the people, who were too happy to
attend to anything which did not agree with their own transports. The
cabin was as deserted as himself. Feeling that there is no solitude
like that of the heart, when it looks around and sees in the vast
concourse of human beings not one to whom it can pour forth its
sorrows, or receive the answering sigh of sympathy, he threw himself
on one of the lockers, and with difficulty restrained the tears from
gushing from his eyes. He held his hand over them, while he contemned
himself for a weakness so unbecoming his manhood.
He despised himself: but let not others despise him. It is difficult
for those who lie morning and evening in the lap of domestic
indulgence to conceive the misery of being thrown out into a bleak
and merciless world; it is impossible for the happy man, surrounded
by luxury and gay companions, to figure to himself the reflections of
a fellow-creature who, having been fostered in the bosom of affection
and elegance, is cast at once from all society, bereft of home, of
comfort, of "every stay, save innocence and Heaven." None but the
wretched can imagine what the wretched endure from actual distress,
from apprehended misfortune, from outraged feelings, and ten thousand
nameless sensibilities to offence which only the unfortunate can
conceive, dread and experience.
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