"It is that. There's no doubt. And that is why I was so happy. He
doesn't know, that's one comfort. Only--what on earth am I to do? I
wonder if it will get worse or better, the more I see him? If only he
would make some more horrible blunders, or--or what? It isn't what he
does, it's what he is. It isn't even the playing. I barely heard him
to-night. And Theo--poor Theo! He must never suspect. But then, he never
would, unless I shouted it in his ear!"
She paused and put another log on the fire.
"_He_ will, though, unless I am very careful. He isn't old at all,
forty-two is young nowadays, and I'm sure he likes women. I daresay, if
I hadn't been engaged to Theo, he would have liked me. Most of 'em do.
And I never looked better in my life than I looked to-night. Vain
beast!"
Presently she got up, and roamed aimlessly about the room. The door
leading into her little sitting-room was open, and she went in and
switched on the light. "He wants to come in here to-morrow, and see
where I live. _Live!_ He wants to see my books. I'll hide those French
ones; they'd shock Beau-papa, I suppose, though they aren't very bad.
But what _am_ I to _do_? Can I go on being engaged--can I _marry_ Theo
while I--love his father? Would marrying Theo cure me, or make it worse?
And suppose he fell in love with me after we were married! And
she--Gerald's 'clean old peasant,' wouldn't she be horrified? Poor old
thing, she is very nice, but--and Tommy wanting to be a violinist! A
nice family party, upon my word!"
She laughed harshly and pulled her dressing-gown closer about her.
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