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Hamsun, Knut, 1859-1952

"Pan"

My own fault? Yes,
my star had led me astray. I thought: How she would chuckle if I were to
throw myself at her feet and tell her the secret of my heart to-day!
She would offer me a chair and have wine brought in, and just as she was
raising the glass to her lips to drink with me, she would say:
"Lieutenant, I thank you for the time we have been together. I shall
never forget it!" But when I grew glad and felt a little hope, she'd
pretend to drink, and set down the glass untouched. And she wouldn't
hide from me that she'd only been pretending to drink; she'd be careful
to let me see it. That was her way.
Good--it was nearing the last hour now.
And as I walked down the road I thought further: My uniform will impress
her; the trappings are new and handsome. The sword will rattle against
the floor. A nervous joy thrilled me, and I whispered to myself: Who
knows what may happen yet? I raised my head and threw out a hand. No
more humility now--a man's honour and pride! Whatever came of it, I
would make no more advances now. Pardon me, my fair one, for not asking
your hand...
Herr Mack met me in the courtyard, greyer still, more hollow-eyed.
"Going away? So? I suppose you've not been very comfortable lately, eh?
Your hut burned down..." And Herr Mack smiled.


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