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Hamsun, Knut, 1859-1952

"Pan"

I
stood up and put the brooch under my heel and trod on it. That was this
morning... For four hours I waited and waited; after dinner I went out.
He came to meet me on the road. 'Where are you going?' he asked. 'To
Glahn,' I answered,'to ask him not to forget me...' Since one o'clock I
have been waiting here. I stood by a tree and saw you coming--you were
like a god. I loved your figure, your beard, and your shoulders, loved
everything about you... Now you are impatient; you want to go, only to
go; I am nothing to you, you will not look at me ..." I had stopped.
When she had finished speaking I began walking on again. I was worn out
with despair, and I smiled; my heart was hard.
"Yes?" I said, and stopped again. "You had something to say to me?"
But at this scorn of mine she wearied of me.
"Something to say to you? But I have told you--did you not hear? No,
nothing--I have nothing to tell you any more..."
Her voice trembled strangely, but that did not move me.
Next morning Edwarda was standing outside the hut when I went out.
I had thought it all over during the night, and taken my resolve. Why
should I let myself be dazzled any longer by this creature of moods, a
fisher-girl, a thing of no culture? Had not her name fastened for long
enough on my heart, sucking it dry? Enough of that!--though it struck me
that, perhaps, I had come nearer to her by treating her with
indifference and scorn.


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