I did not look at Edwarda, but in my mind I thanked her:
Thanks, for having spoken of me, named my name with your tongue, though
it be all valueless to you. _Godnat._
I took my leave. Edwarda still kept her seat, excusing herself, for
politeness' sake, by saying she was unwell. Indifferently she gave me
her hand.
And Herr Mack stood chatting eagerly with the Baron. He was talking of
his grandfather, Consul Mack:
"I don't know if I told you before, Baron; this diamond here was a gift
from King Carl Johan, who pinned it to my grandfather's breast with his
own hands."
I went out to the front steps; no one saw me to the door. I glanced in
passing through the windows of the sitting-room; and there stood
Edwarda, tall, upright, holding the curtains apart with both hands,
looking out. I did not bow to her: I forgot everything; a swirl of
confusion overwhelmed me and drew me hurriedly away.
"Halt! Stop a moment!" I said to myself, when I reached the woods. God
in Heaven, but there must be an end of this! I felt all hot within on a
sudden, and I groaned. Alas, I had no longer any pride in my heart; I
had enjoyed Edwarda's favour for a week, at the outside, but that was
over long since, and I had not ordered my ways accordingly. From now on,
my heart should cry to her: Dust, air, earth on my way; God in Heaven,
yes.
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